Expect the unexpected. That is the mantra in international adoption. We’ve been through it before, and we’ve followed countless stories of those before and after us. We know the mantra well.
After checking into our hotel yesterday afternoon, it was no surprise when the phone rang at 5:20 PM, and our coordinator was in the lobby. We’d been told by the translator who picked us up at the airport that the coordinator would be by at 6 PM. Fifty minutes early or 50 minutes late – not unexpected at all in this process.
So, with Max asleep and Glenn close to the same, I grabbed our paperwork and headed to the lobby alone.
I consider myself prepared for the unexpected, but even I was surprised to hear the first words out of our coordinator’s mouth: “I have some bad news.”
It’s a story unfortunately that’s just not that uncommon – the little boy who we’d been told about months ago, and who we’ve been reassured for weeks and weeks is ready for us to meet on November 28 (the first day he is available to meet), is suddenly unavailable because he’s been shown to another family a few days prior. On a day that we were in Almaty, within a 70 minute flight of being in Ust ourselves.
My Type A instinct is to diagnose the situation, determine what went wrong, and fix it. But as anyone who has even lightly brushed across the international adoption process knows, my reasoning skills are no match for the complications and mysteries in this process.
As I type this, it is approaching 8 AM Ust time, and we are being picked up at 10 :15 AM to go to the baby house. For what? We have no idea. Max is still sound asleep next to me – sweet, loving, adorable Max who was so ready to meet his little brother this morning. I just thank God that we had the presence of mind to say little to nothing about our referral to Max (we only showed him the picture once, and that was months ago), and instead Glenn and I have focused on “the big adventure” to Kaz. So far, Max isn’t buying into that big adventure, but we know he’s a tough kid and he will be fine (despite begging to go home multiple times already). Seriously, if I could just get Wonder Pets to play on our Russian-language only TV, I swear he’d never mention home again. :-)
So, we approach this new day with worry, anger, frustration, sadness, exhaustion – and hope and faith. We will plow ahead into the unknown, hoping for the best and preparing as best as we can for the worst. That’s international adoption – and parenthood – in a nutshell.
31 comments:
Yes, it is international adoption and parenthood, in a nutshell. BUT it SUCKS you have to find this out at this stage and I PRAY this resolves itself in a way that works for your family. ARGH. SO INFURIATING. Praying for you today.
As we all know this journey is never one without detours & potholes.......I am so hoping that your child is waiting & ready to meet you, Glenn & Max.
Hugs,
Darlene
I am so sorry Karen. I hope that you have been able to mourn the little boy that has been tucked away inside your heart ever so protectively for months now. Even when you know all the things that could happen, it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking and maddening, especially when there has been a picture, a face. As you know adoption is a Leap of Faith. I truly don't know how anyone surivies it with any.
Thinking of you sooo much!
Let me try again......I truly don't know how anyone survives it without any.
You are in my thoughts & prayers!!!!
Hoping the trip to the babyhouse this morning leads you to your next child.
You are handling this with such amazing grace- which of course knowing you, I am not surprised.
You were on my mind this morning as I was waking. Praying that today and this week brings you much peace.
My heart aches for you as I know the feeling all too well. I hope that things went well today. The univers does unfold perfectly depite the large majority of idiots and insisative people out there. Keep you heart mind and intentions in the right place and it will work out. I find it usualy works out far better than the imagination dreamed possible in the heat of the chaos.
Karon
Crossing my fingers, my toes, my legs, my arms, my eyes, my hair—anything I can find to help you find your little boy.
Waiting on pins and needles...hoping for the best.
Love ya,
MinG
Hoping and praying eith all my might. xoxoxo
Thinking of you so much and hoping for a morning that brings you peace and clarity, MLB, and the Wonder Pets!
I know I join so many others in sending you much love and support and only good, positive wishes.
I feel profoundly for you and hope that this day was a better one and that perhaps it all makes sense now. I admire your strength. Hoping and waiting for good news.
xo Andrea & Anelya
Karen, I can't even imagine how hard this is for you! I am praying for a happy ending today. I am praying you meet your son or daughter. I am praying that your agency fixes this! Sending you big hugs!
I just love your stories . . . you write so eloquently expressing joys and sorrows and ALWAYS a happy ending!
I can't wait for tonight's post :)
I am so sorry to hear about this turn of events - how frustrating and infuriating certainly since you were so close. And how disappointing that the Ust team didn't contact you. As you know, we had a rough time of it the first week or so during our recent trip and I can relate that having a young child there with you can add to the stress as they don't really 'get it' (when we faced the possibility of not moving forward with adopting Irina, we wondered how we were going to explain it to Miras who had been bonding with her too). But, things turned out fine for us in the end and I have confidence that they will turn out well for you too. It seems that these things happen to show us that sometimes you don't always get what you want but instead you get what you need. Here's hoping that you find the silver lining and that things start looking up very very soon. Sending a big hug and lots of good karma to the far side of the world.
Oh my. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I hope and pray that your trip to the baby house is productive. Know that God does have a plan. Praying for you.
It is very hard but I want to encourage you to fight fight fight. We had a very similar situation when we adopted Josh and it sucks big time and at times we wanted to give up. In fact, we were 1 day away from leaving Kaz with no child but we kept at it and we found our Josh. Sending lots of love and prayers your way!
So much to process, what a wide range of emotions (again!) I would really like to know what goes on "behind the scenes" with the different in country coordinators and the orphanage directors. This secret world that they live in is not the transparency that many countries boast about - yes, including Kaz. It is very sad that loving families, whose intentions are so pure, get caught up in all this heart wrenching drama. I know you have strong faith and hope and that is what will get you through this. Lean on the support of your Kaz pals, we will hold you up through this, Karen & Glenn!
I really believe in fate and in God's power to bring you together with the people that are meant to be in your lives. It is very sad that you were shown a picture of another child and your heart and soul attached to him, however, the baby that is yours can never be separated from you. He/She is linked to you! May your meeting him/her over-shadow the grief you felt in the morning. I will continue praying for you and hope that your true baby # 2 or MLB/MLS is already in your arms. Sandy
Hope all went well with your visit and that you have found the littel brother or sister Max is waiting for.
What a hard, hard message to hear right as you arrive. We're all a-hoping and a-praying that even now you know who your next child will be and that you and walk this road in grace and assurance.
So sorry you have to travel down this road with a few bumps in the road, there is a really good reason for all of this but yes it also sucks big time, we pray that soon you will find MLB and things will begin to fall in to place , until then please know all 3 of you are in our thoughts and prayers!!!!!!
I wish I had the perfect words to help to give you peace. I will say sometimes the adoption process sucks!! Know I'm praying for you!
Hugs from your friend in Illinois. The ups and downs of international adoption are not for the faint of heart....as you are experiencing. You have to be strong like a steel wall, and yet flexible like a willow tree. After my referred child was adopted by another family several months before traveling to Ust I learned to do the international adoption float....a move similar to the dead man's float they teach you in swimming lessons. The goal is to expend as little energy and still manage to float on the water in order to stay alive. Try to fight the current and you will rapidly run out of energy and will sink. Just like the ocean there are currents and waves totally out of our control in international adoption....so therefore, knowing this I tried to control nothing...which is really incredibly hard therapy for a control freak such as myself. I allowed myself to "float" on the ocean and let fate or destiny take its course. I trusted in a higher power for probably the first and only time in my life...and it was very freeing, and I also know, it was the only thing I could really do at that point anyway. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to the events that happen in our lives, we just must cope and deal with them the best we can...being given this news is traumatizing, but being given the news right before you are to visit the babyhouse is really hard because at the same time you are supposed to be bonding with a child you are in fact grieving for another. My advice, in addition to just allowing yourself to "float" from here forward, is to also allow yourself to "feel" your feelings, and don't think you have to somehow come up with all these same gushy feelings for the child that you start bonding with....it is okay if it takes a bit of time...give yourself a break, be nice to yourself, allow yourself the proper amount of time to grieve that this inopportune timing did not allow for.
I am thinking of you and hoping and praying you will be lead to MLB very soon. I know this is so difficult to be going through but nobody can do it with more grace then you my friend.
Keep your head high and FIGHT, FIGHT and FIGHT and do not give up till you win! Please know you have an army of people behind you all the way and to lift you up all the way.
Much love and hugs
Karen: Thinking and praying for you as you continue this difficult process. Hope that today went well and you've found something even better than a Wonderpet! Looking forward to your news.
Quaintance
Thank goodness we often do walk into the unknown, for the known would unravel us. Wishing peace to you at this very stressful and difficult time. Do your best to keep a clear head, and an open heart. Listen for that little voice, it's there if you can focus on it over the cacophony of doubt and fear. Will be praying for all to work out as it should.
So many loving comments on your blog, hope you feel surrounded in love and support. All of you are in our thoughts and prayers. Please let us know when we can babysit Max. He can play with all of our toys!
I am so so sorry that things are not working out the way that you had hoped. We lost our 'referral' 3 days before we left to come to Kaz. We came anyway and met the child who we will be asking the judge to allow us to adopt when we have court on Friday. So things can work out in the end. Keep at it and email if you need anything at all. We're in Karaganda until Saturday but I'd be happy to help out however I can- even if it's just offering words of encouragement. MarenLeg at aol dot com
Wow, so sorry, Karen. You were SO wise in what you did with Max in terms of prep (or non-prep, for a particular sibling, that is). I will be praying....thanks for sharing something that is so personal in such a public way. It's really good for PAPs to know the reality of how things work (or don't). Many blessings.
Shan in CO
Sending prayers that you are able to find Max's little brother.
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